2001: Space Odyssey (1968) ~ Pretentious and insufferable artsy nonsense.
The Graduate (1967) ~ I just don’t get it. The entire movie can be summed up in a single sentence and the movie poster was more exciting than the film itself.
Top Gun (1986) ~ In the dictionary under “dick flick”, there is a picture of this movie.
Lawrence of Arabia (1962) ~ An abridged version would’ve helped.
Avatar (2009) ~ What a waste of a film budget.
Jurassic Park (1993) ~ I really don’t think this movie is deserving of FOUR sequels.
Million Dollar Baby (2004) ~ This is singlehandedly the most fucked up, filthy, onerous, disturbing, uninspired film I have ever had the misfortune of seeing. My cousin picked it out for the family to watch and that was the last time she was ever allowed to choose the movie.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1988) ~ ‘Unbearable’ is the word.
English Patient (1996) ~ Puts me to sleep every time. I finally got to the end of it and I still had no idea what the movie was about.
Star Wars (1977) ~ I know, I know.
The Piano (1993) ~ This film was nothing more than an ugly movie about ****** up people.
Monster’s Ball (2001) ~ Trash.
American Beauty (1999) ~ Absolute SHIT. Again, nothing more than an ugly movie about ****** up people.
Out of Africa (1985) ~ Ugly and boring.
Slumdog Millionaire (2008) ~ I want my two hours back.
Brokeback Mountain (2005) ~ AWFUL. The story was lame, the acting was lame. It wasn’t romantic, the characters were unsympathetic, it was poorly written and boring as hell. I found myself realizing that all of the fame and awards that were bestowed on it were motivated solely by those promoting a political agenda and not due to its entertainment or artistic value.
Eyes Wide Shut (1999) ~ I love Tom and Nicole but Stanley Kubrick is one DEEPLY fucked up man.
The Shape of Water (2017) ~ The worst best picture Oscar winner since American Beauty. Boring, slow, uninspired. The lead actress was excellent. The rest were caricatures: the supportive black friend, the understanding gay neighbor, the evil military. I kept telling myself, “Stay awake. This thing won best picture. It’s GOT to get better.” No such luck. Two dimensional storytelling by artists who should have aspired for something more. A major disappointment.
A.I. Artificial Intelligence 2001 (2001) ~ SO disturbing that even as a teenager, I cried, had a panic attack afterwards, came home and asked my mom if I could sleep in her bed that night. :((((
The Way We Were (1973) ~ This is supposed to be a great love story? What kind of man walks away from the woman he loves right after she’s given birth to his child? As in RIGHT after. And all because “she was so difficult that he couldn’t take it”? I was watching the whole time and she wasn’t that difficult. So again, a great love story? I remain underwhelmed.
Splendor in the Grass (1961) ~ I certainly recognize the venerable actors and the excellent performances, however, the hopeless romantic in me is so not interested in watching this movie again. 💔
Bridge On The River Kwai (1957) ~ Director David Lean has a terrible habit of falling too in love with his own work. He needs to take a step back from his pictures and massively trim them down. His films also have a subtle condescending quality to them that I find unappealing, despite their “epic” stature. This film was no exception.